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We have all heard a couple of comments at some point in our lives that undoubtedly did not please us. Sometimes people talk without the conscience that they might be hurting someone's feelings, and other times they probably know that the comment it's unnecessary, but they don't care.
This post is about things that have been said to me, that I didn't like, and the reason for that since I thought that it would be interesting to reflect on the subject. The objective? Well, remember me and others that what people say doesn't define you and that sometimes we should think twice before we talk.
So, without further delay, let's take a look at some remarks that have been said to me that didn't help my already consistent bad mood:
“You should talk more!”
If you are introverted, like me, you understand where I am going with this… I am pretty shy, I am aware of that, and I don’t need to feel bad about that, or even worse than I already do sometimes. I understand that some people don’t say this in a mean way, just wanting to help, and try to put us at ease, yet I can’t help but get instantly in a bad mood when this is said to me… It’s quite often since the only situations in which I am more talkative is when I am surrounded by persons with who I am comfortable and fully trust, like my family and my best friends. Curiously, my family usually says that I talk too much.
“What are you doing? It’s time for you to start going to parties! And what about a boyfriend?”
This kind of questions occurred once or twice after I came to Lisbon to start University. In fact, it’s normal: University it’s the time when the majority of teenagers take the chance to have fun, dance all night, and ingest substantial amounts of alcohol. It’s the time when they can live the best of the World, living new and exciting experiences. That’s okay, but it isn’t for everybody. Furthermore, I am in my second year at University, so I already went to some parties, but it’s something that I want to do every single day? No, honestly, once in a while. About the boyfriend topic, it will happen when it has to happen.
“Wow!! I haven't seen you for some time! You look fatter!”
Although I don’t often share my anxieties, or try to ignore them with some dark humour, I am quite insecure. I remember this particular affirmation partly because of the person who said this to me, and also due to the ironic fact that I was not paying attention to the conversation going on so, I heard, didn’t answer, and only one or two minutes later I realise the lovely pronouncement. Nowadays, I have insecurities with my weight only on those bad days, when I question why I don’t look like a supermodel and find defects on everything. However, in the majority of the time, I simply don’t care. If I could go back in time, my answer to this person would be “Thanks, I like my doughnuts”.
“You are arrogant.”
I understand the reason for people who don’t know me might think this since I have the same inexpressive face when I am in University, or when I am in a social situation in which I don’t feel comfortable (like the ones that you feel that you are an outsider), or when I am very concentrated… Well, you get the idea, a lot of scenarios. What surprised me the most about this comment was the person who made it, she was comparing me to herself, and I didn’t expect that at all. Additionally, I don’t think that I am arrogant, I just have difficulties in creating a first good impression because I don’t feel contented to talk openly with other people.
“If I were you, I would socialise more.”
If I get a coin whenever this was said to me I could buy various coffees by now. Every time I hear this, I immaturely repeat the words in my mind in that tone that children make. Likewise, I just shake my head and bite my lip not to say anything sarcastic or rude. I know that I should socialise more, but, honestly, I am fine. Also, I don't feel that I need a huge group of friends, I am happy and proud of my small amount, but precious, friendships.
"Your handwriting is so complicated and difficult to understand!"
I had never heard a complaint about my handwriting until my last year at School. Since then, it seems that everyone has something to say about the way I write! Namely; “I can’t read this”, or “You should write in blue and not black to be more easily perceived”, or even “you should look for a pen that suits your handwriting”, are only a few commentaries that I have heard. I confirm that my handwriting is a little bit unique, and yes, hard to understand to someone reading it the first time, but in my opinion, it’s not ugly, just different. I like that it's distinctive.
“Then you have a metallic smile...”
For someone that had to use dental braces for years, it got to a point where this comment was extremely annoying. Personally, I did not get offended or hurt by the affirmation: it's a reality that I used dental braces so why would I felt insulted? For me, it was just unnecessary: I knew that I had one, so why come to me, and state the obvious? If the observation was something like: "For how long you have been using dental braces?" or "What do you need to correct?", you know, the interesting questions... But of course not, it had to be "Ohhhhh you have a metallic smile!".
“You are too serious.”
I guess that we can conclude that half of the comments that I write here somehow arrive at the same point: if I am not comfortable, with someone that I barely know, or in a bad mood, I am polite, however, I keep quiet and inexpressive. "Too serious", as some say. What bothers me, is that people say this without knowing me, and with only two or three meetings. Excuse me if I do not consider you a best friend after five minutes of small talk.
Have you had any of these comments?
If so, how did you respond?
What is your opinion on the subject?
If so, how did you respond?
What is your opinion on the subject?
I hope you have a lovely week!
Mariana Nunes
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